Corie

I love this guy so much, but he can be my worst enemy. I just had to get out of the City to take a breather from him and our relationship. It seems that whenever he's around I don't get to do anything else. If I was years younger, I'd be happy with the idea but in this age the clinginess isn't there anymore - I need my space and time and with other people too. The Vegas trip was random. We were just hanging out at the beach and all of a sudden I thought of going out of town. What way to go out of town than to be in Vegas to forget about everything.

We hurriedly packed out backs and headed to Vegas. We got to Vegas early morning Sunday and slept through til lunch. Then we talked around, ate, and gambled. It was a great feeling. Something I never felt in a long time. I wanted to drink the yard long margaritas or head to the oxygen bar, but I wanted it to be a good clean fun. Although my friends did talk about "medical" marijuana. The drugs part, well...it's not there anymore. I used to do it for fun once in a while, but it just got boring. I am a boring person nowadays. The rebellious and oh so violent my isn't there anymore. I have truly grown up. I just let things go instead of fuming and doing something about it. To cap off the night in Vegas, we ate at Mandalay Bay until the restaurant closed. I ate so much that I asked if we could walk half the strip and back, luckily my friends agreed. The weather was bad though. It's like you're in an over but just 116 degree F, the wind is dry and hot, and your skin is being baked 24/7. That's how it literally was. The girl scout in me worked - I carried a bottled water all throughout. Unfortunately, my friends didn't and ended up buying bottled water at 2.50 usd/bottle. boohoooo....... Before really heading home heading home, we gambled for the last time. I was winning at wars and blackjack but lost it all out of being so swapang to win. Oh well, Vegas is always Vegas....

Lately, I've been thinking about Corie and I. For 10 months it's been fun, but lately he has been annoying me. Maybe it's because we hang out too much together 24 hours a day. I really need space. Last night we talked and he got pissed off. I know he doesn't like to hear things that aren't his way, but too bad. I was like that before, but I have learned so I will teach this guy a lesson. It's like, yeah I love him to care enough for him a whole lot but at the same time he pisses me off sometimes.... weird aren't I? I just need some time for myself and with friends and family without him for now. We haven't broken up, but we are taking it slow. I think we can survive not seeing each other whenever he has his day off.

In a way, I was rebelling. The randomness of the trip, not calling him the whole time... I just needed to find myself again. I was getting lost in him and his world. Now that I had a good sleep, I think I'm okay again. I feel okay today. We talked and it was normal. No ill feelings and nothing like that. It was a good conversation. He is a good man. He takes care of me and vice versa, but sometimes I just need a break from all of it. I'm too independent to be babied all the time. I am not a damsel in distress.... I hope he realizes that soon enough before I leave him (this is just a thought).

How come people can never find contentment...... life is too confusing sometimes.