Thursday, July 19, 2007

I N S O M N I A is B A D for Y O U

I have been trying to sleep since midnight it's not 2:17 i'm back online. This habit has to die. I will buy melatonin tomorrow. For Christ's sake I NEED SLEEP to wake up early!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Why is life so complicated?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


I love this guy so much, but he can be my worst enemy. I just had to get out of the City to take a breather from him and our relationship. It seems that whenever he's around I don't get to do anything else. If I was years younger, I'd be happy with the idea but in this age the clinginess isn't there anymore - I need my space and time and with other people too. The Vegas trip was random. We were just hanging out at the beach and all of a sudden I thought of going out of town. What way to go out of town than to be in Vegas to forget about everything.

We hurriedly packed out backs and headed to Vegas. We got to Vegas early morning Sunday and slept through til lunch. Then we talked around, ate, and gambled. It was a great feeling. Something I never felt in a long time. I wanted to drink the yard long margaritas or head to the oxygen bar, but I wanted it to be a good clean fun. Although my friends did talk about "medical" marijuana. The drugs part,'s not there anymore. I used to do it for fun once in a while, but it just got boring. I am a boring person nowadays. The rebellious and oh so violent my isn't there anymore. I have truly grown up. I just let things go instead of fuming and doing something about it. To cap off the night in Vegas, we ate at Mandalay Bay until the restaurant closed. I ate so much that I asked if we could walk half the strip and back, luckily my friends agreed. The weather was bad though. It's like you're in an over but just 116 degree F, the wind is dry and hot, and your skin is being baked 24/7. That's how it literally was. The girl scout in me worked - I carried a bottled water all throughout. Unfortunately, my friends didn't and ended up buying bottled water at 2.50 usd/bottle. boohoooo....... Before really heading home heading home, we gambled for the last time. I was winning at wars and blackjack but lost it all out of being so swapang to win. Oh well, Vegas is always Vegas....

Lately, I've been thinking about Corie and I. For 10 months it's been fun, but lately he has been annoying me. Maybe it's because we hang out too much together 24 hours a day. I really need space. Last night we talked and he got pissed off. I know he doesn't like to hear things that aren't his way, but too bad. I was like that before, but I have learned so I will teach this guy a lesson. It's like, yeah I love him to care enough for him a whole lot but at the same time he pisses me off sometimes.... weird aren't I? I just need some time for myself and with friends and family without him for now. We haven't broken up, but we are taking it slow. I think we can survive not seeing each other whenever he has his day off.

In a way, I was rebelling. The randomness of the trip, not calling him the whole time... I just needed to find myself again. I was getting lost in him and his world. Now that I had a good sleep, I think I'm okay again. I feel okay today. We talked and it was normal. No ill feelings and nothing like that. It was a good conversation. He is a good man. He takes care of me and vice versa, but sometimes I just need a break from all of it. I'm too independent to be babied all the time. I am not a damsel in distress.... I hope he realizes that soon enough before I leave him (this is just a thought).

How come people can never find contentment...... life is too confusing sometimes.

Monday, July 16, 2007


I just got a text from my friend, he got another ticket. A parking ticket. He got ticketed with me for not wearing seatbelt when I got pulled over.

Our 3 lives is just like the series 24. So many things happening in a span of 24 hours. For now, now more impulsive road trips

Slow down, slow down....


My weekend was really crazy. I was just supposed to hang out with friends over my place and the beach, but we ended up in Vegas. I miss the randomness in life and I guess my friends did too that's why we ended up in Vegas. I was supposed to be with C, but he ended up filling in for a co worker who had an emergency. There are so many what if's in my mind right now with everything that happened in the trip.

We left at midnight and ended up in Vegas at 4 a.m. We slept utnil 10 a.m. and hung out at the strip the whole day. We gambled, ate, hung out at a chill out resto to talk. Ahh.. something that I really miss doing since I've been here. We left Vegas at 2 a.m. Monday and I drove. I was so careful about driving and keeping under the speed limit, but got pulled over for over speeding. Now I have a record, ACK. I will go to traffic school to erase it off my driving history, but this will mean going to traffic school after work or on Saturdays. I am praying that I can take this class online.

This was the first time I got pulled over and it was a realy scarey experience. It's like you want to lie and beg, but you can't. Geezeee...... While the CHP was checking out my insurance, registration, and driver's license the song I shot the Sheriff by Bob Marley played. What a coincidence. One of my friends panicked and yelled " fuckin kills the music" hhahaha... that was the humorous part... But the fine I'd be paying isn't funny. I'm expecting to pay 200 dollars. Fack.. I called CHP today and asked what else I can do to NOT pay. Basically the officer told me there isn't anything I can do except to wait for a letter from them. I think he was trying to make me feel good by saying in the area that I got pulled over, people from LA area get pulled over because they get carried away with the highway and not used to the desert. CRAP.

My friends and I talked about getting pulled over more on the way home - analyzing and making humor out of it. While on the 15 heading to the 10, there was a really big accident. Three cars were involved and one of the turned upside down and it was all messed up. Not only did the CHP( a different one thank God) stop traffic, we were the car at the very front of the row of cars. We saw the paramedics pumping one of the peopel's stomach probably doing cpr or something like that, people were on the road bleeding, people crying, etc. It seemed everything happening was going so fast from the random trip to vegas, having fun, heading home, getting pulled over, seeing a tragic accident... I asked myself what it all could be?

After passing by the accident sight, I told my friends maybe God must be giving us signs. Maybe for me, he was telling me to slow down. I honestly have been doing so many things that I forget to pull myself together and just relax. Lately, it's all been fun and kind of irresponsible in some ways. I asked myself if I am burnt out from work and I know I'm not. I guess I missed being carefree and I overdid it, so a higher power stepped in to give me a good knack in the head before it got too late.

So right now, I am at home thinkin...... does this mean that my relationship with C should take a back seat? I have kind of forgotten myself since I've been with him. I forget my priorities because it seems it was all fun and in some sort of way irresponsible that I/him/we were doing.

So I think I should give myself some alone time now. It's not what I want, but it's a must. I think I needed the random Vegas trip and everything that happened to realize what I had planned and seemed to have forgotten in life.

I will talk to Corie tonight and I know it's not going to be something he wants to hear.

Wish me luck.

Friday, July 13, 2007

adaptive p.e.

i'm thinkin a p.e. teacher wouldn't be a bad job. it's all sports the entire day. something i love without a doubt. so i might get my credentials on phys ed when i am done with the master's.... okay.... bear with me.. i am having an emo moment with work related stuff.


and tomorrow I shall do my thesis. . . . . i hate studying or anything related with school that I am obliged to do for myself. . . . . but it is a must. . . . . i am giving myself until october to finish this damn thing and get it off my back. . . . . i have put this out for tooooo long. . . . . i wanna have that Ma Edd at the end of my name... bwahhaahahahahah...... i'm thinkin if having a Ma Edd, PhD is way cooler?? but PhD's are for geeks.... believe me... have u ever seen a teacher in flip flops, jeans, and shirt???? you should have been at the former Rm 8. it was the best class in the whole entire school. i dont think i am a geek so i dont think i should have a phd. i wanna take up psychology now or counseling... i dunno...i dont think i'll ever stop studying.... but if only i can study through videos and not have to read.... i hate reading i am poor at comprehension.i take things too literal.

being a teacher was the last thing on my mind when i was a kid.. i was a pain to my teachers i think.. but mr. shaw and zem really influenced me a lot....thank u.

good morning

i will sleep now.... this is too much.... emotional stresssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss


okay Faby is really getting me all sentimental about my kids. i miss them all. you should see my kids, they are the cutest ever!!!!! from alyssa to andrew .. then brooke to monique.... alfredo to adam..... i will surely miss you guys. from playing volleyball in the hang man on the floor..from taking their height at the start, middle, and end of the school year... making cards on special occassions...our weekly raffles for pencils.... our market day on Fridays...eating lunch together... morning greeting....phonemic awareness from the sound spelling cards.... blending through the sound cards.... listening to the OC stories...learning math in the funnest way...... learning how to count with our fingers and our toes even.... and the look on their faces when they learned how to use the calculator for the first time......

whoaaa!!!!! whoaaa!!!!! i miss this already.... now i'm asking myself why I decided to move up to high school... it's a challenge.. i will miss my lil kids... snifff....!!!!!!! elementary was good...good memories and good vibes....

I fell heavy.. darnit.....

my kids

now i am getting really senti... my friend talked about how i taught my students how to play dominos.. memories..she said it was the cutest thing ever coz they got hooked on it... getting teary eyed!!! i miss my lil kids.. i'll be dealing with the big kids next week for a change.. calculus here i am.


okay we quit chess.. we're just gonna play dominoEs... does it have an e? coz it's plural...


i decided to finish off all her pawns..hahahahahahahah... she hasn't even moved them three blocks.. bwhahahahahaahhahaahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahhh....... im so into the game now!!!

im really makulit

yeah fo sho... my king ate her pawn.. will be the queen. bwahahahahahhahahaha....

bishop and the pawn

I ate her pawn( is this how u spell it?) with my bishop..she asked pa how i did that.. okay this is gonna be some kind of tutorial too.... geeze...


i think i am finally sleeping early... at 2 am the latest.... yey..hurray!! we're still playing chess..she is doing the opposite of my moves... groaaaaarrrrrrrr now it's complicated........ and the nightlite is still on..... kewlness!

chess it is..

we are back to playing chess. she's just guessing so i'm praying for 3 move checkmate... if there is such a thing..hahaha.. groarr... a plain checkmate will do...

chinese checkers

the chess game won't it's chinese checkers... i forgot how to play this... so just forget about it.... just like the commercial... the fowge bou it speshul....

now i am having separation anxiety.... i'm all alone in my house when a few minutes ago i was with friends laughing and smoking....... danget.


My friend and I are awake and playing chess against each other online... Is this how life's gonna be... everything is purely just online communication... human contact is scarce........ how sad.. heheh.. just emoing. i miss my bf...come home!!! i'm counting down.... 4 more hours!!!


At this very moment I am doing an experiment on my nightlite. It's a nightlite that has a plug for frangrance. It automatically turns on/off depending on the lighting. Everything is turned off here in my living room, only the computer screen has light glaring. hmm...... i wonder what is inside the mechanical part of the nightlite that makes it automatically shut off when there is light while there's no plug.. .. simply amazing....... mythbusters has truly inspired me.......

Tomorrow, I will try another experiment..... but I have to think about what it will be..... prolly trip out on my boyfriend.. that would be funny. =) what kind of experiment???

Thursday, July 12, 2007


you know how I really think, you would understand me. I am a hard person to figure out. Only a handful know how I think or at least they think they do. I would rather keep my thoughts to myself unless I really can't help it anymore - the real thoughts that is.

Word for the day: forever.


My sleeping pattern is messed up. I sleep at 3 or 4 am and wake up at noon. I have to change it coz i start work on Monday. If I get so desperate I will start taking Simbalta.

I am gonna watch Harry Potter in a bit and I hope by the time I get home I will be too tired to go online, read a book, or watch t.v.

Speaking of T.V. I was watching the Discovery Channel and they were talking about the book I read 3 years ago - 1421. Great book.


life may seem tough and you want to give up but don't give up because people look up to you. things may be shitty but realize the lighter side of life filled with love and happiness. you fall, you stand up. you fail, you change. you have to start being real with yourself. know what you want and make it happen. don't do things to please people, please yourself before others. be happy. be contented. be honest. be real. be true.

just always remember true friends will always be there and not judge. people care and love so you're lucky because you have a lot of that around you even though you don't know it and realize who they are. you have to start realizing who are true to you and not. so many masks around you that you don't know their motives towards you. i just don't want to see you hurt and be b.sED.

my neighbor

It's 3:37 a.m. and i'm wide awake. This is a real bad case of insomnia. But weird thing is that I wake up at between 6 and 9 a.m.

Tomorrow is trash pick up day. I already took out my trash bin. My trash bin is almost up to my shoulders and the width is 2-3 times of me. It's really not that full, but when I was pushing it to the driveway it almost dragged me to the street. I realized that I need to pull it not push it.

The trash issue is related to my blog topic. It's been bugging me the whole night. My neighbor is an old lady and also a teacher which is a PLUS. She hasn't put her trash bin by her driveway. I noticed that she has a hard time walking so I'm thinking what more pulling a trash can from an elevated driveway. I know I should have asked her if she needed any help or something like that whenever she would talk to me. She does try to talk to me a lot which is good. Now I feel really bad that I didn't offer. I'm gonna try to wake up at 7 a.m. today, knock on her door ,and ask her if she would want me to take out her trash whenever it's trash pick up day. You just don't know how awful I feel. I feel so selfish only thinkin about myself.

I don't want to grow old in this country. I'm just giving myself 5 years and pack my bags and head home. The Philippines is just too hard to resist. I know I'm fated to come back and live there forever. =)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Okay a childhood friend just messaged asking me if I still remembered him. SHIT! I do remember him, but I messed up with the last name. Now I am really embarassed. I was asking him pa naman about where I can see/listen (to) him play the violin. Ain't it cool he is a musician for a living. If only I didn't give my piano teacher hell, I would have been good at it I think. And of course, running a teacup saucer on my piano keys. Great memories with my brother though. HAHA!!!! Now I don't even wanna open the piano because its keys are all scratched up. Oh What A Life I had.

All these chinese last names Lim, Choi, Uy, Tan, Choa, Lee, Sy, Ang is just messing up my memories...................................................................So sorry Mackie!
And oh, I missed you today (*wink*)


I was trying to sleep early but could not. I woke upa t 6 am for no reason since I'm on "vacation" and could not get back to sleep. I watched t.v., ate brunch, lounged around, and paid bills online. Oh! I went out to go shopping which I should really stop because I might be in debt. HAHA! And I "napped" for 4 hours after I got back from shopping. If you're a really close friend, you would know my nap is just not minutes, it's hours. The power nap thing for me does not really work. I love to slllleeepp.z.z.z.z.z..z.z.z.z..z.z.z.z....z.z

I was suppose to watch Harry Potter at midnight but didn't get to because my friend told me at the last minute. I can't drive 13 miles in 30 minutes. Dangit. Oh well, I'll just watch it over the weekend, but it would have been a great feeling watching a movie in its first screening. I told my friend it felt like I was in the Philippines - everything being so random. HAHA! i miss the randomness here!

And of course, I almost forgot about C. You see, his work schedule is really hard to work with (for now). I'm not used to having someone be there for me for 48 hours straight and be gone for the next 72 and be with me for the next 48 hours again. It's seems messed up at first, but I kind of got the hang of it. But I tell you it takes a lot of getting used to. The gf's of his co workers helped a lot to make me adjust and understand. We have our own lil group now for happy hour while the guys are away. yeehhaaa....

Okay since I passed Harry Potter and C will be coming over in like 5 hours I have nothing to do but watch t.v. and talk to my friends. I've been so restless. I'm tired of chatting or talking on the phone. So what I decided to do was to delete and update my phonebook. I could not believe that I have people's numbers from college years and some I really didn't need anymore. I delete and transferred to my other phone. Now my fingers are tired. I'm just ranting through print because I can't rant at anybody right now even long distance.

What A Life... Sowweeettt....