you.

It wasn't only until yesterday that I admitted to myself that I still care and love you. I pretended not to care, but I still do a whole lot. You cross my mind more than you think. I think of you more than you think. It was some time ago, but it's weird. So wherever you are, I hope in some ways you'll know. I don't know how else to go about it. I guess to simply state it is clearer than to elaborate. You just take care.

bugged

I don't know how to start this blog, my mind is confused. Everything happening all at the same time - moving, having a boyfriend who is great, the time of the month, and starting a new job PLUS a really bad migraine. I woke up with a big migraine. Good thing C wasn't with me or else I would have transferred all my crankiness to him. I am really bugged about something though. I feel really really really a billion times guilty. The first thing that I thought of when I woke up was my ex. I know I shouldn't be thinking about the ex anymore, I don't know why I did. I even dreamt about the ex. Could I still be inlove with the ex unconsciously? I mean, I've never thought of anyone except C since we got together. I am really bugged. I feel like a two timing girlfriend. Oh God help me, not another dilema in my life. This is all that I can handle for the moment.

A thought over pasta dinner.

There used to be a time when things were great between us. We were happy, that was the bottom line. Then things got messed up and I hated you. As time passed, I became okay. There are times and things that make me remember you. It is true what they say, people that matter(ed) to you are hard to just forget. I know there will come a time where we can just sit back, relax and talk. I will wait for that day.

6/10 cuzzy's bday!

OH! It's my cousin's birthday today. Happy Bday Cuz!!! Soccer season starts tomorrow for me. Yehey!!! But a bummer because games are on Sundays, so no rest day for me!!! And I'm gonna be watching David Beckham play for the Galaxy's. YEY!!!! Please pray no more trips to the ER for me due to a sprained tendon. please please!!!!

Night y'all.

vampires and love

It's around midnight on a Sunday, clicking away and watching a documentary on vampires. The person next to me is sound asleep like a baby. (awww...).We had a long day today. C's softball team had a game today and the weather was really hot and dry. As the supportive girlfriend, I was under the sun for 2 hours with my Budweiser cap on. Eversince C and I started "hanging out" I have started to drink beer again. I never liked the taste, but I guess you get used to it after a while. I still prefer Tequila Rose though, but being one of the guys I had to set the craving aside.

Did you know that the Chinese had their own stories about vampires? How odd, I never knew. I always thought my ancestors were the work, work, and work type without any fun. I'm just lucky that I'm so different compared to them, even with my cousins now.Something has been bugging me a lot lately. It keeps me out of focused and that "thought" has been constantly in my mind. Before going to Corie's house yesterday, I just had to go to the gym to take my mind off ot it. I thought doing the semi rowing machine for 10,000 meters would help, but it didn't.
I've realized that the more I am alone, the more that I think of it.

Lately, I have been thinking if the life I have is what I really want. My two good friends are in Korea and seem to be having a blast. The three of us are in similar situations. We easily get restless and bored doing the same thing, that's why we always move around. I know most people prefer stability or things that are familiar to them, but as for me the more familiar something is the more that I lose interest. Surprisingly, ever since Corie and I started going out it seems that my view on losing interest has changed. The independent me has become someone who is reliable and dependent on another. I have been so used to being independent that I felt weired out that someone was looking after me. I haven't felt this way for the longest time. Yeah I've dated and got into relationships, but situations like this doesn't really happen a lot.While he lays sleeping beside me, I ask myself again and again if this is real. It is. Though he may not be perfect, he brings out the best in me and I hope I bring out the best in him. The only dilema that I have not is that I'll be moving in a few days. We will be around 75 miles apart.
I know I should be optimistic, but the rational me is telling me to just shut him out of my life soon so that I won't get hurt.

Hurt? I've been burnt several times. It took a while to recover. I felt hurt and anger during those times, but as time passed I've realized that without those experiences I wouldn't be the person that I am now. It doesn't mean though that I still carry the grudges that I once felt. I've let it go. It's just sometimes things I did or have said, I wish I never did. It wouldn't have made things complicated. But what can I do, I've said it and have done it. I just have to be adult enough to accept the consequences.I am an extrovert. I'd rather say things than just keep it in. That's why, after I blow off I'm calm again. I should change that part of me.Am I weird for watching the History channel so much? I even TiVo shows that I miss because of work. I'm just happy right now that life is goig well for me. I'm crossing my fingers that when I move, everything will be alright. I'm not expecting things to be perfect because they never are.

Wow, I'm surprised I've had enough patience to type my thoughts. I'm really impatient, so a pat on the back for me. YEY!